Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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