I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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