Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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