like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
