It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
