its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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