All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The power of my boobs compel you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
