Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
