i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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