dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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