I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
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No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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