yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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