Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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