we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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