Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table