So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts