He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
