i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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