She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
pop tarts are not kleenex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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