we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
