I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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