ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
