You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
