what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Terrible idea I love it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
