i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I believe in your delicious
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize