I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
