just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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