I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
