It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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