Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
