just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
