You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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