I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
