You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
