stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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