I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
vagina is talking i cant
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
try to milk me bitch
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