just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
