What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
