i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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