i can't believe i had my finger in that
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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