This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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