Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
