The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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