so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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