Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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