if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this just has baby written all over it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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