I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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