I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Text me some of your sweat
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize