Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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