If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
