Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
