Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i will never coherently bang her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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