New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The power of my boobs compel you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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