is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
