broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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